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Saturdays are for chores and chilling yh?
Well for me, Saturdays are for relaxing and lazying around (yes, I understand that they are both basically the same thing) and finding new cute boys to crush on my Instagram…haha

So last saturday, as I scroll down my TL(timeline), I saw the Picture below  and I had that squeez-your-eyes-while-trying-to-remember moment. I can’t particularly call it Dejá vu, but it was so familiar. And then it clicked.

This is a real flashback.

About a month ago, my cousins(for the sake of this story; lawyer and photoguy cousins respectively) and I attended a wedding in some remote part of Akokoland(Ondo state) and like most Nigerians we headed straight to the reception to wait for the newly wedded. (lol, we came for the rice, yes)

While we were sitting at our table;waiting for the Jollof, and one of my cousins was eyeing a girl beside me, the waiters passed some mints(we thought they were mints) and we agreed that it was cool.
Soon the party begun and I was so interested in the cuuuute MC that I completely forgot about my party Jollof in all it’s glory right in front of me. My cousin tapped me.
‘What’s this?’ he asked pointing at the “mint” on his tongue.
I raised my eyebrow(you don’t want to see this look)and replied “the mint of course”

‘well it isn’t tasting like a mint to me’ said he.

‘well something must be wrong with your tastebuds’ as I shifted my attention back to the M.C. completely ignoring my lawyer cousin.


I reluctantly turn my head
It’s photoguy cousin. He’s older,  so I’m nicer.
‘Yes, Brother PG’

‘This mint tastes antiseptic’

‘I guess it’s just strong’
I can’t wait to get out if this conversation.

‘Taste it’ He takes it off his tongue and stretches the mint.

For a tiny micro-nano-second I glare at him.
That’s just Ewwww, I thought as I imagined all the things he must have done with his tongue. Men.

But then on a second thought, I don’t want him to think I don’t love him, because I do.
So I assumed it wasn’t real and I took the mint from him.
Foolish mint, all this fuss over this tiny white foolish mint.
I place the mint in my mouth wait for the taste.
‘I think it’s normal’ I’m about to remove the d*mn mint.
And then I taste it.

D*mn! Antiseptic!
I spit it out.
‘Something really is wrong with this mint’ I say as I wipe my mouth with paper wipes, avoiding their eyes.
I called a waiter as he walked past ny table.
‘What’s this?’ I ask him.

‘Camphor’ he casually replies.

I recover quickly from my shock, and ask ‘What for?’

He shrugs. He doesn’t even know.
I turn to my cousins who have lost interest in the Mint affair.
‘Hey guys, guess what, they f**king served us Camphors!!!’
To say they were shocked is to say the least. Their surprises were soon changed to Anger.
‘WTF’ – lawyer cousin(all gentlemanliness left the poor guy)
‘seen other guests licking the mint’ -Photoguy cousin says as he takes a shot of the camphor-mints.
‘Camphor’ I correct him, probably because I was scared they might turn into real mints  and we’ll be sucking on them again. (if you had a dirty picture in your mind after reading the last sentence, you’re going to hell).

Let me get serious.
Very funny now that I think about it, but if myself and my cousins and about a hundred other guests had the “mint”, what if we all got hospitalised for poisoning?
What if the camphors hadn’t tasted so antiseptic, had a fruity minty flavour maybe? or if they came in fruity colours like orange and pink and lemon? I remembered my secondary school class mate that drank Dettol in LaCaserá bottle. I heard he was force- fed the entire time he was at the hospital.

Initially I felt bad for myself that maybe it was the new thing and I just didn’t know about it, but then that’s just stupid. I mean, who places camphors in transparent packs, camphors shaped the size of an actual mint???!!!
As I write this, I’m still smiling at the image of me licking camphors. Pathetic.

So Dear friend, when next you’re being hosted at a party or someone’s home, and there’s something on the menu/table that you don’t know, Biko ask o.
It could be the food, anything you’re not familiar with. It’ll be very embarrassing to get a running stomach or allergies or anything uncomfortable in public. I mean, in the end it all becomes a story to laugh about, if you survive the situation.
I just thought I’d share.


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    June 16, 2015

    Comments please

  • henry agbede
    June 16, 2015

    This really cracked me up, nice piece!
    Long throat ain't good for the body…

  • Anonymous
    January 7, 2016

    Who the hell came up with that stupid concept?…. mess around and kill people that just came to groove…. heck!The caterer/planner probably assumed it was mint too! LOL…. EvezBoudoir

    January 7, 2016

    I know right! Thank you for reading! Love…MONAE

  • D4PS
    January 26, 2016

    Love this! I mean camphor at a wedding table?!
    My bad side says it's for those that went straight to the reception. Na God catch una.